Category Archives: purpose

A Secret

There is something I don’t like to talk about. Something I’m a little ashamed to admit. I’m hesitant to see family because I think they’ll judge my weight.

Well, this weekend I had to overcome this. I had family come visit from Costa Rica. They were very pleased with my progress. They do judge a little. I love them and I know they will expect better from me.

I do look better than the last time they saw me. I’m stronger and thinner and I don’t eat as much. All good things. It was a wonderful thing. I was so stressed to see them because I haven’t been happy with my body, bit hearing that I looked good and that I had lost weight made me feel great. It’s not about being shallow, it’s about knowing they are proud. It made my anxiety disappear. I’m happy that I was able to show change.

Today was another unprecedented day at the gym. I worked out for an hour with Lex and then I did 40 minutes of cardio. I did 18-20 incline and 2.6 speed. I was feeling it.

Another unprecedented thing: I used the stairstepper for the first time ever. It was…different. I didn’t like it. But I’m alive. Yay!

Tomorrow I will be doing CX30 and probably Body Pump. I’ll be at the gym for at least another hour and a half. It feels great.

Who the heck am I?


So Far…

Yesterday was a tiring day. I didn’t post simply because I spent the entire day unpacking at my office and I was beat by the time I got home. I had about 30 minutes to grab a quick bite and walk out the door to meet Lex. I might have had an argument with the husband, too. I digress.

When I got to the gym I was tired and drained from the day and the argument. The last thing I wanted to do was work out. Seriously. I got on the ‘mill and got to walking.

I won’t go into details about my workout. I will tell you though that I’ve lost 2.8 pounds and 2% body fat. In two weeks. That’s not bad if I do say so myself.

Lex does want me to change a couple of things though. He wants me to add thirty minutes of cardio after each training session with him and he wants me to do extra cardio on the days that we don’t meet. I’ll probably do this by doing a class after a cardio session. Either Body Step, Body Pump or CX30. Zumba is dead to me for now. Bouncing sucks.

Today might be a rest day. I haven’t decided. If I have time to squeeze in a cardio session I will. If not, I’ll do some extra walking. I’m excited about this weekend. Family is finally coming to visit.

First and Foremost

I went to a party. It was a great party welcoming a soldier/friend home from Afghanistan. There were drinks, friends and pictures. Lots of pictures.

I’ve always disliked the camera. My face looks pretty, but I hate the body shots. This occasion was no different. When I saw those pictures I had to ask myself if I was happy with the way I looked. Needless to say, I wasn’t. So, I decided to change it.

I had always complained about my weight but never did anything. I figured if I was going to say something and not do anything it was a pointless and empty argument. I was my biggest critic bit I never took the next step. I knew I never wanted to see another picture where I was tempted to trash the image.

On the following Monday I walked into Gold’s Gym. I got the whole spiel and decided that if I was going to do it, I needed to do it right, and right then. I signed the paperwork and haven’t looked back since.

My body is beaten and I feel like I’ve been run over by a large truck but I’m still pushing ahead. I’ve been faithful to myself and to my trainer and pushed myself past my comfort zone. I don’t even know what a comfort zone is anymore.

So, my first and foremost reason for doing this is to be comfortable with myself. In pictures, when I look in the mirror and when I step on the scale.

I’ll keep aching and sweating as I work towards this. I’ll keep pushing and striving for better than the last time. I’ll keep getting stronger and faster. I’m my only firewall.

One day soon I’ll post pictures. They will be unflattering, but they will be real. I can only promise that the final outcome will be worth the effort and the pain.

That being said I think I’ll go apply heat to my shoulder that’s about to implode. Then ice. Then heat. Rinse and repeat.

Oh, and I’ll probably take an anti-inflammatory med. Or Vicodin. I’m not picky.