I did something completely unlike my old self. It was so out of character for me that I had to step back and look at myself to make sure that I was still there. It may not seem like much of an accomplishment to most of you, but I made personal history today.

I went to the gym and worked out for almost two hours. That’s unheard of in my world.

I started off by doing thirty minutes on the treadmill at 15% incline and 3.0 speed. I definitely worked up a sweat. When I was done I went downstairs and did my first Zumba class. I proceeded to sweat some more.

I becoming this smaller, more energetic person. I really don’t recognize myself. My body hurts in a good way. There are still things I need to change. (Hello, sugar. You evil beast.) But I’m getting there. Little by little, I’m getting there.

I will continue to improve. I can’t stop now. My body craves the exercise. I’ll find the time and the strength to push on. At the end of this road I will be thinner, stronger and more fit. I will succeed.

Oh, and I wasn’t a fan of Zumba. I’ll probably go again though. With two sports bras instead of one. The bouncing really kicked my butt.


First and Foremost

I went to a party. It was a great party welcoming a soldier/friend home from Afghanistan. There were drinks, friends and pictures. Lots of pictures.

I’ve always disliked the camera. My face looks pretty, but I hate the body shots. This occasion was no different. When I saw those pictures I had to ask myself if I was happy with the way I looked. Needless to say, I wasn’t. So, I decided to change it.

I had always complained about my weight but never did anything. I figured if I was going to say something and not do anything it was a pointless and empty argument. I was my biggest critic bit I never took the next step. I knew I never wanted to see another picture where I was tempted to trash the image.

On the following Monday I walked into Gold’s Gym. I got the whole spiel and decided that if I was going to do it, I needed to do it right, and right then. I signed the paperwork and haven’t looked back since.

My body is beaten and I feel like I’ve been run over by a large truck but I’m still pushing ahead. I’ve been faithful to myself and to my trainer and pushed myself past my comfort zone. I don’t even know what a comfort zone is anymore.

So, my first and foremost reason for doing this is to be comfortable with myself. In pictures, when I look in the mirror and when I step on the scale.

I’ll keep aching and sweating as I work towards this. I’ll keep pushing and striving for better than the last time. I’ll keep getting stronger and faster. I’m my only firewall.

One day soon I’ll post pictures. They will be unflattering, but they will be real. I can only promise that the final outcome will be worth the effort and the pain.

That being said I think I’ll go apply heat to my shoulder that’s about to implode. Then ice. Then heat. Rinse and repeat.

Oh, and I’ll probably take an anti-inflammatory med. Or Vicodin. I’m not picky.

A Reason

I meant to write. Really, I did. Would you believe that I didn’t because my arms were sore? You should.

I was going to write several times but I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even straighten my arms to type. I’m much better now and have since done more cardio and a Body Step class. After which I was a sweaty mess.

I was able to keep up much better at this class. I didn’t stumble around and flail about. I was much more “graceful”. That is if one can be graceful while sweaty and bouncing. It really isn’t possible. That’s the reason ballet isn’t done outside. I can’t see Swan Lake being as beautiful in Spandex and bright red.

But the class was good and I see results. After about two weeks I can see true results. I’m happy that my pants don’t fit. For once.

I will start cleaning out my closet in the next month or so and replacing items. Just the basics for now.

I did realize though that I don’t think I’ve been getting enough calories. I’ve been shaky and weak. I upped my calorie intake a bit by adding some snacks. Each one is about 200 calories.

Next post I’m going to go into some details about the goals I want to achieve. I hope you all will keep me honest with reaching them.

I know weight is just a number. Size is just a number. I’m striving for comfort in my body. Whatever size that is.

I just know I don’t want to quit. I’ll push myself past my comfort zone. I’m aiming for health but I’ll be happy to find a smaller size on that road.

What Not to Say…

To your trainer.  Lex means business.  That much is clear.  He let me have it today.  I’m not even kidding.  This is pretty much how the day went…

Lex:  Have you been following the diet? 

Me: Pretty much. 

Wrong answer.  He moved the incline on the treadmill from 12 to 30.  It was crazy!

Lex: What are you drinking daily?

Me: Water, coffee…

Wrong answer.  10 more reps of this awful, horrible back exercise.

Lex: What’s your favorite number?

Me: Five (big fat lie, it’s actually twenty-two)

Wrong answer.  Take that times five.  OMG!

Lex: Are you enjoying this?

Me: Yes. (Again with the lies)

Wrong answer.  Increase the weight another 20 pounds.

I’d like to curl up and whimper right now.  Crying would take too much effort.  I’d like a nice big bottle of water and a Vicodin please.  And someone to carry me to my bed.  Heck! I’d settle for dragging me to bed.

Cardio tomorrow.  15 incline, 2.5 speed, 30 minutes.  I can totally do that.


I did CX30 yesterday. It’s a core workout. 30 minutes of abs, glutes, back, obliques and “slings”. It hurts to say the least. It was just what I needed after days of leg work.  I did however state on Facebook that I wanted my bed…and my mommy.

I work out with Lex tonight. I hope he’ll give me some leg exercises. He should also measure me to see if I’ve lost any inches. While the pounds are slow in leaving, the inches are more noticeable. At least according to my pants.

I have never worked out this much. My body really seems to appreciate it though. I can’t decode what I’m going to do tomorrow yet. Maybe some cardio. Maybe some ice cream. Ah, options!

Step This Way

I lack rhythm. I’m awkward and clumsy. I am not coordinated and I tend to stumble over shadows. I still went to Bodystep. And it wasn’t pretty.

I was lost for most of the class. But, I wasn’t the most lost. One woman just gave up halfway through, put up her step and walked out. I stuck it out. I did cry. I’m not kidding about this. Actual tears came out of my eyes. As far as everyone else is concerned it was sweat. But no, it was tears. I was in pain! Surgery takes a long time to heal from. The bouncing was kicking my a$$.

I lived. I’ll also be going back. Wearing three sports bras instead of two and hopefully with better rhythm.

Spoke Too Soon

I’m so sore. Every inch of me hurts. Muscles I didn’t think I had hurt. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to train like I’d like to this week considering that even my fingers hurt. I did work out today though. Lightly.

I went for a long walk. In the Texas heat which is the equivalent to walking ten miles in any other place. It was so hot today that I’m pretty sure some of me melted.

The surgery I had a few months ago is not making things easier. I had a breast reduction, going down three sizes and six inches. But lifting weights is painful now, and I’m trying hard to push through the pain. I’ll find the strength. It’s in me. Somewhere.

Tomorrow will be another day. Cardio and some Bodystep. I haven’t taken a step class in twenty years. I hope it’s changed in these years because I really didn’t like it.

I’m down two pounds in a week. That’s not bad. I’ve found new muscles and I think I’ll reach my goal.

No giving up. That’s not an option. Not. An. Option.